Advocates Speak

We love to hear the stories of advocates who have found their voice. Below are some stories that we have received and would like to share with you. Perhaps they will inspire you to find your voice. If you would like to share your story, please email us at ghansch@namitexas.org.

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Rex Mohammad

I Saved My Life Yesterday

            I save my life every day, every moment. Depression makes things a struggle like that.

The first time I felt my depression manifest itself was when I was ten and I wrote a letter to God asking to be shot out the world quick and easy because I felt so awful. I didn’t understand why, I didn’t understand why I cried as I wrote the letter, the only thing I did understand was that I wasn’t really going to be scooped out of life by somebody to somewhere that would be any better, so I went on. I cried this way and that, getting hugs and “you’ll be OK”s on the way. Then I went into my Anger Man phase, a moniker I picked up from a well-wisher back in high school, kicking and punching things for no good reason and then getting reprimands, of course, and also sensitive, earnest inquiries as to why I was so mad.

People really cared about me. Maybe even loved me, more than I’d ever know. Which was the complete reverse of what was brewing in my mind then and to this very day. I know people are selfish, because so am I, so for them to stop what they were doing to say something nice to me and help me out, I logically must be worth something. And that’s an essential component depression can rob you of: logic. Logic, joy, coherent thought and speech, not having spontaneous leaking out of your eyes, those are very important things to have when you’re alive, and depression can snatch those away from you.

The lessons I learned are simple to say and difficult to remember when times are toughest. Everything you need and a lot of what you don’t are already within you. Look into yourself as if you’re walking into your garden; take care of the flowers you need the most and pluck the weeds that you don’t. Then ask yourself why you like your flowers and hate your weeds; that’s important to know why you grow what you grow in your mind. You have what you have and that’s sad, but there are others who aren’t as fortunate as you if you can read this and even they get up in the morning and do their thing, so what’s stopping you?

Realize the opportunities you have and give yourself a chance. The life you save is yours.

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